What is it about being vulnerable that scares me?

Vulnerable is being capable of physical or emotional wounds or attacks! Even though the Bible never really tells us to be "vulnerable" it tells us everywhere that we are Children of God! Well what are children? Vulnerable, they lack the basic understanding of how to protect themselves when placed in situations where adults (most of them) know what to do! Yet we all have a Heavenly father who protects us, when we are most vulnerable. Like a typical father, God knows that He is the Man, that needs to protect His family, His children is all that He has, and when evil tries to conquer and devour us, He triumphs! Like our biological fathers, God will fight for whom He Loves,  which is US!


(What is really lousy for me know is I have no help from outside sources on this topic, this is all me). This thought today has to do a lot with trusting, similar to my recent post from yesterday!


We are also called sheep! What are sheep? Vulnerable, always open to attack from predators 
(wolves, lions, bears). Jesus is called a Shepard, who,protects His sheep, leads them and herds them all over the countryside, while the are vulnerable to attack! 


It seems clearly evident that our Father has to do a lot of protecting of His children, and our Shepard has to do a lot of herding to get his sheep back together! Well what is one thing that sheep and children have in common, beside the smell? They are both trusting, living things that put a lot of trust in the one they know will protect them!


Well, why then is it so hard for us to put our Trust in God? I mean, we all know He is our knight in shining armor, and that He is clutch, and He is ALWAYS there for us, especially in our most vulnerable states. Well, I think we need to address what our most vulnerable states are: could it be; Alcohol, Drugs, Cigarettes, or Sex, Pornography, for that matter WOMEN in general or Men, could it be an Eating Disorder, Family Issues, Broken Relationships? All of these things threaten our lives, they attack our Innocence, our Emotions, our Physical, Mental and Spiritual bodies, and cause some serious damage to our relationship with Him! Guess what? Our God is Greater than any of these! 

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? 

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? 

What can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

As I was thinking tonight what to write about I had a dear heart-to-heart with my probably my newest Friend, and closest friend that is of the opposite sex! While talking to her, she made me realize that Life is so much easier when you have friends/family that can relate to you and how true it is! We need to understand that we don't go through life alone. Yes, we may be more susceptible to things with God, rather than things from our earthly friends or family, but I know that family and friends fade with time. Yes, you'll always have family, and (hopefully) you'll always have companions and friends. Yet in time, and years pass we change, things change but Our God doesn't. He is the same YESTERDAY, TODAY and FOREVER! 

This verse in scripture should be the most comforting passage EVER:

"I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"  so that we confidently say, "THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?" Hebrews 13:5-6

I know that it has already comforted me, tonight! I know that my God will Never, not be by my side! He will be with me forever! I said it, FOREVER! Remind yourself of that!  I love the ending, I could picture who said this laughing, "What can man do to me?" The answer... NOTHING! Because if our God is for us than who can stand against us! (Ah I got goosebumps)!

Life for me has been full of hurt, I never had a father who set out to protect me! His version of protection was 400 dollars every two weeks, and graciously placing me on his insurance! Well as much as I hated the fact that I had an absence of a positive male role model, it has taught me so much in life! The way my father is, is a way I don't want to live, not because he is a bad guy! But because I want to be someone who is there for their son, someone who knows the Lord! Someone who as they get older puts all of his TRUST in God, my only Father! 

For me the lack of a Christian father, or lack of father in general, made life so hard on me! Not knowing the answers to certain things, especially through bodily changes, and new sexual desires arose! How could a 13 year old boy talk to His mom about an addiction to pornography, (that still lingers in the shadows 8 years later) or talk to his mom when questions of sexual desires were now found in women! Well, since then I have never found anyone to talk to about these issues, about my skeletons, about the man I really was! Well the person that I needed to talk to the MOST was there all along, and no it wasn't my mother. It was God! He could have answered my questions, He could have removed addictions. He could have made my Freshman and Sophomore years in college actually worthwhile! But No! I thought I could handle my addictions on my own, trying to defeat the demons of certain things were easier than the others I was fighting! A demon that got its foot in the door even before 13 was one of sexual preference (wow I can't believe I'm sharing this), I struggled with all sorts of feelings, was I attracted to males or females? Well fortunately for myself those feelings left faster than they came when I got my first girlfriend in 5th grade (correct me if I'm wrong Tam). 

Well I then knew for a fact that I was into girls when I got to college, when I felt that I could get with any girl I wanted too. Not caring about their feelings, only that my desires/urges were met! Sexually satisfied, absolutely! Everything else was empty, lack of emotion and feeling! Well freshman year, it took an important friend, who I lost contact with (recently as of this year, got back to talking, I blame SGA)! to smack me upside the head, and make me realize what I was doing! (Thanks Meg)! 

Then Sophomore year, oh sophomore year! Nothing good came out of that year, except for I had relations with girls in moderation! Once again a smack upside the head was in due, except it came in a different form, it came in the form of Spring Revival! Ah, revival, everyone gets that 2 week high of God, they can move mountains, they think they can save the world! Well wrong, I came to revival absolutely broken! and left broken! But I was broken in a good way, I was broken but in the road to healing! 

Junior year came, and this being weeks after I got back from Summer Min, I fell right back into a temptation twice before the second week of school! Well by this point I knew something had to change, I wasn't that same guy, that chose women to deal with hurt! I was a new man, founded in something more powerful than the sensation of any orgasm or quickee! I was founded in Christ, I then had a great woman come into my life, Jenna! Jenna was perfect, there was and still is nothing wrong with that girl. She saved me from a destructive path, she showed me Grace multiple times. 

Senior year comes knocking on the door! and so does something else a break up, that took me by storm, and utter surprise! Things that were going good I thought, actually were not so hot! That good Christian guy I was becoming started to leave, once more I resorted to females to fix my hurt! Well that lasted only a short time! I knew that I could not, not, not let myself get caught up in sex, women anymore! It Needed to End, and End NOW! 

Now this is where I am, still broken, still hurting, but TRUSTING in my God, to take it all away! I'm learning to be VULNERABLE to His Spirit, to allow it to work In and Through me! To not Lean on My Own Understanding! But Trust in Him for He will make crooked paths straight! For me my vulnerability comes in my childlike faith, I am vulnerable to the world, and all its hurtful, sinful nature, but my Lord is there to protect me, to guide me and direct my life in and down paths of His choice. That was my New Years resolution to TRUST Him, lets do this together... Lets Trust!

God thank for giving me the courage and strength to write this (now just give me the courage to publish it!) For all those that read this please know that Our God can do anything, He can heal diseases, cure the blind and deaf, make cripples walk, feed thousands with little, and most importantly take away Demons that try to ruin our lives, by deceit and temptation. I will not lie or cover up the truth, I am and I am sure will struggle with pornography, but I know that by the Grace of God, that He can cure this disease, this addiction! He has GREAT plans for you and I'm excited to hear or if I'm fortunate enough to see them! I know He has plans for me, Great plans! But I have to let Him work, not try and work for Him, which reminds me of a song "What This World Needs" by Casting Crowns. Take note to what the VULNERABLE CHILDREN have to say!  

What this world needs
Is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind,
Another two bit politician peddlin` lies,
Another three ring circus society.
What this world needs
Is not another sign wavin` super saint that's better than you,
Another ear pleasin` candy man afraid of the truth,
Another prophet in an Armani suit.
What this world needs
Is a Savior who will rescue,
A Spirit who will lead,
A Father who will love them in their time of need.
A Savior who will rescue,
A Spirit who will lead,
A Father who will love,
That's what this world needs.
What this world needs
Is for us to care more about the inside than the outside.
Have we become so blind that we can't see?
God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt.
What this world needs
Is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance.
Blendin` in so well that people can't see the difference
And it's the difference that sets the world free.
(Spoken)
People aren't confused by the gospel,
They're confused by us.
Jesus is the only way to God,
But we are not the only way to Jesus.
This world doesn't need
My tie, my hoodie,
My denomination, or my translation of the Bible,
They just need Jesus.
We can be passionate about what we believe,
But we can't strap ourselves to the gospels.
Because we're slowing it down
Jesus is going to save the world,
But maybe the best thing we can do
Is just get out of the way.

What this world needs
Is a Savior who will rescue,
A Spirit who will lead,
A Father who will love them in their time of need.
A Savior who will rescue,
A Spirit who will lead,
A Father who will love,
That's what this world needs.
Jesus is our Savior,
That's what this world needs
Father's arms around you,
That's what this world needs
That's what this world needs

OK sorry for the length but I really wanted to be Open, Vulnerable and Sheepish for you all! Please feel free to leave comments even those people who read I don't know! I'd really appreciate your encouragement, love and support! 

Thank You and until next time Its  JUST ME AND MY GOD!!!

Trusting In Him, Don't DO It Alone!!!

Typical resolutions for the New Year consist of the following to: 

1. Stop Smoking
2. Get into a Habit of being Fit
3. Lose Weight

4. Enjoy Life More.
5. Quit Drinking
6. Organize Yourself
7. Learn Something New
8. Get out of Debt
9. Spend More Time With Family

10. Help People.

Well fortunately I do not smoke, I'm not overweight, I do enjoy life, I don't drink, I'm pretty organized, I learn something new daily (thank you dictionary.com), the only debt I have will come roughly six months after May 2011, I spend time with my family all the time and I Love to help people (sometimes having a hard time saying no!)

Well my only resolution for this year is to TRUST in God, not just for big decisions, not just the little things, but for everything! This resolution has already hit its bumpy road and I am going to make the assumption that Trusting in God is a continuous bumpy road, which my resolution the all more challenging! Yet there are constant reminders daily that remind me daily of much I really need my God! I have spent the majority of my Christmas break alone, in my home, with no one to hang out with and too boost my "depressed" state. Well, I thought I was alone, I should have known better that God was with me, and He was the one I needed to rely on, to comfort me, the one I should have spent time with! 

I don't know what makes me (or you, for that matter) realize what we had was always there, it never left, even when we feel at our lowest, feel hopelessly alone, like we're the only one hurting! Well imagine this, we have a God that cares for us so much, that when we hurt, He hurts, when our heart breaks, so does His! This reminds me of my "all-time favorite" poem, "Footprints" ... This poem should be a constant reminder that when you feel alone, desperate, depressed, heartbroken and hurt that your doing this alone. Your God is carrying you, feeling your pain, each and every step! 

My goal for 2011, is to avoiding being stubborn, not try to solve problems by myself, not go out and look for Love, when things go bad/or right to thank my Lord! I want to put all of my Trust in Him! Whether I do this by learning to be patient, learn to fall in Love with God first, all I know is that I want to Trust God with my life, cause I know that I cannot Trust myself with it!

Just know that your Lord Loves you and whatever your hurt my be, He is going to take care of all your needs good and bad! My goal/resolution should not be for me alone, this should be for all Christians worldwide, because there is a song that clears this up pretty well:

I'm trading my sorrows

I'm trading my shame

I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness

I'm trading my pain

I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, yes yes Lord

Yes, Lord, Yes Lord, yes yes Lord Amen!

I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned struck down but not destroyed I am pressed beyond the curse his promise we'll endure his joy going to be my strength

though the sorrow may last for the night but joy comes with the morning

There is a part of this song that I couldn't find, probably because it is a spoken part, but Israel Houghton says: "Joy comes in the morning, morning is not necessarily what has an A.M. next to it, morning happens when you Wake Up!"  I want to add my own part to this as well, Morning has an alternate spelling MOURNING! I believe some of our Best Joy comes when we are crying, alone, sad, depressed... and realize that we are not alone, that the Lord is with us! So Trade it all, cause even though you may not have the JOY! Your Lord has plenty to go around!!!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Once and for always its JUST ME AND MY GOD!!!

2010: A Decade Worth Remembering!

Well lets see when this decade started I was in 5th grade! I was not afraid of Y2K, I wasn't worried about much! As the year passed and the next came and I almost escaped 2001 with no fear! On that day which was our generation's modern day Pearl Harbor, our Nation came under attack, and sent our whole nation into fear! I'm sure we all remember where we were that exact moment, when you first heard, (for me it was music class, with Mrs. K)!

Well then that year passed, and other's came and went, just like seasons, some you happen to like  (fall and spring) and others you can tolerate but really could live with out (summer and winter)! I now move to 2004, not for any other reason that my beloved Red Sox snapped an 86 drought, and made a crazy year seem so much better! As high school went on so did my struggles, regrets and disappointments. I was for lack of a better term "two faced" being a good little church boy on Sunday and then I was Matt Flagg, just an ordinary guy living life trying to find a way! Well I wouldn't find that way for a few more years! Things through high school only got worse, I graduate YAY! I left my church family in search of a  new one! And this new one, has been one of the best things that God has done!

I started attending a Nazarene church, I attended my first retreat, my first camp, surrounded by peers who guess what? Struggled like me! Were searching for something outside themselves, a God like they had never known before! Well that's when I started searching too, I had always believed in Him, but I needed to believe in some thing more! What did God actually mean? (I'm still searching for that answer, but I have honestly grown closer to Him)!

Now it was 2007! Freshman year at ENC! A Christian school, filled with Christian people (especially Christian girls)! Well as I soon found out Christian girls do not want Christian garbage! And I was an overflowing amount of trash! I manipulated innocence, destroyed trust and so much more! The question arose...Who Am I? and What Am I Doing?

Sparing details, I had a summer from Hell following that miserable Freshman year, I didn't deserve this! Neither did those girls! Neither did God! I vowed to change my ways! Did I stick to my vow? NOPE! Well I can't say that I didn't, yet my vow came in moderations, only a few girls, I hurt. Much better than Freshman year though, right? NOPE! And God once again showed me this through tough Love!

That summer was great, I spent it with 4 great people, doing summer ministry, which is a fancy name for goofing off for God! Well its what I needed, God touched my life, He used children evangelist to speak to me! Well then I had to come back to reality, Junior year! I decided to hang out with more beneficial people, people who would help me grow, not hinder it! That started to work out well! I had everything, friends, Love, GOD!

Well then this past summer happened! This summer was an under statement of being challenging! I decided to do summer ministry again, and with even better 4 great people! Well the gelling we all hoped for, like women Sophomore  year came in moderation! I was challenged, I was lost, I was tired! Came back to school looking forward to two things, friends, and Love!

Well my friends were there, the Love had gone. I was devastated, I honestly didn't know how to respond, so I used the classic Matt Flagg line "I'm Over It". Well that approach is great and all, except it doesn't help! It only masks the hurt, disguises the pain, that had deep inside of me!

So this semester has been my search for Love! and like you read yesterday, I need to fall in Love with God before, and learn to Love Him, before I get the Love that I have tried to find in women! He wants me, I just got to want Him!

Now as 2010 is coming to an end! and 2011 is knocking on the door step! Well lets see what I have to look forward too, Graduating in May, Leaving all my friends, Losing my place in a Community, plus so much more!

So as I conclude to whoever may read this... Have a Blessed and Safe New Year Eve, and a Great start to 2011... May God show you Love, Mercy, and Grace like He has shown me! He has shown me forgiveness, like none other! Be Blessed this day, and for today and all of 2011 its "Just Me and My God"!

1 John 1:9... "If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness."


May this be your prayer, when you feel like me: Sinful, Ashamed, Not Worthy... Just know that My God, Our God, LOVES us so much that He, gave His one and only Son, for me and you, to save our lives, Literally!

The First of Many: Love by the wrong means

I was directed to start a blog, by a close friend, who has challenged me in other aspects of my life as well!

I did not know what to say, or for that matter what to right about... I came to note that this blog could be my way of writing out my devotionals, my own prayer notebook (online). I do my best thinking while I write!

These past few days have been anything but relaxing, I have been stressed out for no specific reason, I have been taxed mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I got so low yesterday that I cried and yelled at my Lord, and not only yelled but cussed Him out! I was so tired of feeling alone, and being lonely with no one to spend time with, that I took it out on the one person, who I knew was there, my God! I tried calling friends to talk, it just happened to be a busy time for everyone! Well I kept taking it out on God, still swearing at Him, begging Him to give me a good reason, why Love is so hard? Why Lord, are those in my life that Love me, so far away and so impossible to get a hold of? and Why, Lord? Why is the fact that I can care for people so much, a bad thing?

When I finally got a hold of someone, all these questions arose again. I asked him, Should I give up on love? Should I quit caring for people? Why am I the one always getting hurt? Yet the most important thing I said/asked him, was, Why do I even bother with Love? If God wants me to do this right, He sure is making the "right approach" and very bad memory!!!

Well he couldn't answer any of my questions. Not being his fault, he wasn't God! Only God knew what I needed, and what I needed I got this morning!

I woke up, and got ready to jump in the shower, typical fashion of half asleep, grabbing my iPod and my mother's iHome. Now typically I like to start off with a song I actually enjoy, well I just didn't care which song came on. Well what happen next, call it random shuffle, call it a God thing, whatever you call it... the song that played was "Love Song for A Savior." In case you're not familiar with the song here is the verse that caught my attention:

"Sitting silent wearing Sunday best

The sermon echoes through the walls

A great salvation through it calls to the people

who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens

As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips

Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him

Someday He'll call us and we will come running

and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You"

Well let's just say, I was given a peace, and a new understanding, please believe that I don't believe that this was random. I believe God, made this song come on, and intended me to specifically listen in on this verse! He intended for me to hear it, why you ask? Simple! God isn't ignoring my request for Love! He wants me to Fall In LOVE with Him, first! I asked for Him, to come down and speak to me yesterday and not nicely! Well he waited, till this morning, where I was vulnerable, wet and not wanting to touch and electronic device while I was in the shower! 

So in conclusion, My God, uses things that we take for granted to show us How He Loves! Whether its a song, or a scripture verse, or call from a friend, or facebook"ing" with a friend who lives 1000 miles away! Whatever method He chooses, He does it when your most vulnerable, when you can't fight back, sometimes you got to fall on the ground and cry your eyes out, or feel some sort of pain to realize that, Hey, my God is alright and He got my back... 

Until next time... It's Me and My God!!!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9