The First of Many: Love by the wrong means

I was directed to start a blog, by a close friend, who has challenged me in other aspects of my life as well!

I did not know what to say, or for that matter what to right about... I came to note that this blog could be my way of writing out my devotionals, my own prayer notebook (online). I do my best thinking while I write!

These past few days have been anything but relaxing, I have been stressed out for no specific reason, I have been taxed mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I got so low yesterday that I cried and yelled at my Lord, and not only yelled but cussed Him out! I was so tired of feeling alone, and being lonely with no one to spend time with, that I took it out on the one person, who I knew was there, my God! I tried calling friends to talk, it just happened to be a busy time for everyone! Well I kept taking it out on God, still swearing at Him, begging Him to give me a good reason, why Love is so hard? Why Lord, are those in my life that Love me, so far away and so impossible to get a hold of? and Why, Lord? Why is the fact that I can care for people so much, a bad thing?

When I finally got a hold of someone, all these questions arose again. I asked him, Should I give up on love? Should I quit caring for people? Why am I the one always getting hurt? Yet the most important thing I said/asked him, was, Why do I even bother with Love? If God wants me to do this right, He sure is making the "right approach" and very bad memory!!!

Well he couldn't answer any of my questions. Not being his fault, he wasn't God! Only God knew what I needed, and what I needed I got this morning!

I woke up, and got ready to jump in the shower, typical fashion of half asleep, grabbing my iPod and my mother's iHome. Now typically I like to start off with a song I actually enjoy, well I just didn't care which song came on. Well what happen next, call it random shuffle, call it a God thing, whatever you call it... the song that played was "Love Song for A Savior." In case you're not familiar with the song here is the verse that caught my attention:

"Sitting silent wearing Sunday best

The sermon echoes through the walls

A great salvation through it calls to the people

who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens

As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips

Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him

Someday He'll call us and we will come running

and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You"

Well let's just say, I was given a peace, and a new understanding, please believe that I don't believe that this was random. I believe God, made this song come on, and intended me to specifically listen in on this verse! He intended for me to hear it, why you ask? Simple! God isn't ignoring my request for Love! He wants me to Fall In LOVE with Him, first! I asked for Him, to come down and speak to me yesterday and not nicely! Well he waited, till this morning, where I was vulnerable, wet and not wanting to touch and electronic device while I was in the shower! 

So in conclusion, My God, uses things that we take for granted to show us How He Loves! Whether its a song, or a scripture verse, or call from a friend, or facebook"ing" with a friend who lives 1000 miles away! Whatever method He chooses, He does it when your most vulnerable, when you can't fight back, sometimes you got to fall on the ground and cry your eyes out, or feel some sort of pain to realize that, Hey, my God is alright and He got my back... 

Until next time... It's Me and My God!!!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9