Well then that year passed, and other's came and went, just like seasons, some you happen to like (fall and spring) and others you can tolerate but really could live with out (summer and winter)! I now move to 2004, not for any other reason that my beloved Red Sox snapped an 86 drought, and made a crazy year seem so much better! As high school went on so did my struggles, regrets and disappointments. I was for lack of a better term "two faced" being a good little church boy on Sunday and then I was Matt Flagg, just an ordinary guy living life trying to find a way! Well I wouldn't find that way for a few more years! Things through high school only got worse, I graduate YAY! I left my church family in search of a new one! And this new one, has been one of the best things that God has done!
I started attending a Nazarene church, I attended my first retreat, my first camp, surrounded by peers who guess what? Struggled like me! Were searching for something outside themselves, a God like they had never known before! Well that's when I started searching too, I had always believed in Him, but I needed to believe in some thing more! What did God actually mean? (I'm still searching for that answer, but I have honestly grown closer to Him)!
Now it was 2007! Freshman year at ENC! A Christian school, filled with Christian people (especially Christian girls)! Well as I soon found out Christian girls do not want Christian garbage! And I was an overflowing amount of trash! I manipulated innocence, destroyed trust and so much more! The question arose...Who Am I? and What Am I Doing?
Sparing details, I had a summer from Hell following that miserable Freshman year, I didn't deserve this! Neither did those girls! Neither did God! I vowed to change my ways! Did I stick to my vow? NOPE! Well I can't say that I didn't, yet my vow came in moderations, only a few girls, I hurt. Much better than Freshman year though, right? NOPE! And God once again showed me this through tough Love!
That summer was great, I spent it with 4 great people, doing summer ministry, which is a fancy name for goofing off for God! Well its what I needed, God touched my life, He used children evangelist to speak to me! Well then I had to come back to reality, Junior year! I decided to hang out with more beneficial people, people who would help me grow, not hinder it! That started to work out well! I had everything, friends, Love, GOD!
Well then this past summer happened! This summer was an under statement of being challenging! I decided to do summer ministry again, and with even better 4 great people! Well the gelling we all hoped for, like women Sophomore year came in moderation! I was challenged, I was lost, I was tired! Came back to school looking forward to two things, friends, and Love!
Well my friends were there, the Love had gone. I was devastated, I honestly didn't know how to respond, so I used the classic Matt Flagg line "I'm Over It". Well that approach is great and all, except it doesn't help! It only masks the hurt, disguises the pain, that had deep inside of me!
So this semester has been my search for Love! and like you read yesterday, I need to fall in Love with God before, and learn to Love Him, before I get the Love that I have tried to find in women! He wants me, I just got to want Him!
Now as 2010 is coming to an end! and 2011 is knocking on the door step! Well lets see what I have to look forward too, Graduating in May, Leaving all my friends, Losing my place in a Community, plus so much more!
So as I conclude to whoever may read this... Have a Blessed and Safe New Year Eve, and a Great start to 2011... May God show you Love, Mercy, and Grace like He has shown me! He has shown me forgiveness, like none other! Be Blessed this day, and for today and all of 2011 its "Just Me and My God"!
May this be your prayer, when you feel like me: Sinful, Ashamed, Not Worthy... Just know that My God, Our God, LOVES us so much that He, gave His one and only Son, for me and you, to save our lives, Literally!
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