Let Go and Be Held!'

So yesterday in my post I realized I said something that was supposed to be for today's but it fit appropriately and I just decided to leave it rather than edit it. My post today is about forgiveness, if it is so easy for God to forgive us, why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? Why is it that when we sin and ask for forgiveness, we always end up down the road reliving that same sin? Why do we beat ourselves up when God is in the process of restoration in our lives? Why can't we be more like God and forgive and forget? We have to consistently beat ourselves down, to a point of near depression or full blown for that matter! If God someone who hates sin, can forgive us of our sins, then why can't we forgive us? We know were not perfect, we know were nothing more than screw ups! So why do we continue to worry? Why can't we just surrender all to God? I know for me I've tried to kick habits, yet I am still susceptible to sin and its mind games!

I thought about this song today by Natalie Grant, called "HELD." This song no matter my mood, make me silent in the Spirit, vulnerable to the power of His Mercy, and healing!

For me its hard to show emotion, (clearly if you were here you would think I was full of it) I do not like to let emotions play with me! I like to think level headed, I don't like to let emotions influence a decision. But this song makes me realize that I just want to be Held! I don't care by whom, I want to be Held and cry, rather than hold and wipe the tears streaming down the face of a friend or family member. Whoever said its good to cry, was absolutely right! and whoever said real men do not cry, well they're missing out on some powerful stress relief.

I want to discuss some parts of the song lyrics wise, I believe this song has meaning to it, I believe Natalie wrote this for some other reason (I'm not positive for why she wrote this, but I thought it had something to do with children in the sex slave trade). "Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us? Who have died to live, its unfair!" Talk about powerful, Our God, hold us through all of this hurt, THROUGH IT ALL! Our nightmares, may all be different, some are with us daily, and know how to attack us at our weakest (hence my struggle with pornography)! Some become repressed and only resurface to really rock and test your faith! God though has the uncanny ability to know what you need, and at the last possible second. When you're at your breaking point, your wits end God is there to Hold you!

"This is what it is to be Loved and to know, that the promise was that when everything fell, WE'D BE HELD." Well that's absolutely the most reassuring and comforting chorus, of how much God Loves us! When we have fallen, cannot seem to move on, that's when God is there, coming to save the day, and you! Listening to this song, has made me feel comfort, I have cried my eyes out while writing this, and I have felt peace, a Father holding His Son! Something I have NEVER felt, EVER! My dad, is a step above dead beat when it comes to caring for his son! I can't begin to express my how much my heart aches for lack of a daddy! My dad came around the most when I had something good going for me, never for a father-son talk, those talks happened, ha ha but consisted of bashing on the BEST woman in my life, my mother! (This is not intended to bash on Bobby Flagg, but it is to show how important MY FATHER (being God) means to me!) My God is not there for the good times, He's there for the bad, the hurt, the depression, the desperation the utter chaos! He's always there, holding me close, even though sometimes I feel Him distant, He is never two steps behind. How could I turn my back on a Companion, a DAD that is always, (too bad God couldn't play catch and teach me certain life lessons that I missed out on).

God is enough for my life! He should be all I'm looking for except there happens to be a song that so clearly depicts what I'm feeling. By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North! God's basically telling me WHY Matt? Do you not trust me? Frankly Lord, its hard, but I really want too! "Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let Me lift up your face, just don't turn away! Why are you looking for LOVE? Why are still searching as if I'm not enough? To where will you go child? Tell me, where will you run? To where will you run? And I'll be by your side whenever you FALL (which happens quite often) In the dead of night. Whenever you call, and please don't fight these hands that are HOLDING you, my hands are HOLDING you!".......

Like His nail pierced hands haven't already done enough, He has to Hold me too! 

Well I'm gracious for the Love my Lord has shown me! Now I feel like I'm tired and I don't deserve Him, but He reminds me daily, probably every second if I listened..

 BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD!!!

I still am reminded of another song! Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin, I Am God, the song is deep I am almost want to put all the lyrics up, but I will be careful in selecting the one's that speak the loudest! 

"I think I'm gonna walk away, you're messing up my life today. This time I refuse to pray, STILL you keep calling me! I don't wanna see your face, the thing I love you erased, nothing but an empty space. Now I don't I know how to be, I know it wasn't right for me. What you liking, what you need, I feel like I'm in SURGERY, still you CUT DEEPER! My secrets within, my blanket of sin! Lord, How much longer 'till ya through with me, PLEASE take what you need, (CAN I GET UP NOW!)." Well how often are we fed up with God's insane plans for us? Basically every minute I question Him, (hence the reason He reminds me of BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD). "Lord, you was not me, everything you don't explain, somethings (most things) I don't want to change. So you keep BREAKING ME! It's like I'm fighting for my life, you hit me with another right." Well Toby Mac was lucky, cause sometimes I wish God would HIT me with a BIG ole hay maker! 

But doesn't the Lord always seem to win, it's like He has a countless number of cheats and your playing for the first time (no matter how many times you've played the game). God knows your next move, before you do!  Well here it is then, YOU WIN, I'm tired of trying to do it all on my own, and I need to SURRENDER my ALL to you. You know what's best for me, and I clearly DON'T! 

JUST HOLD ME, please!!! 

Until next time God, ITS JUST ME AND YOU!!! Love you, use me to your will!