2010: A Decade Worth Remembering!

Well lets see when this decade started I was in 5th grade! I was not afraid of Y2K, I wasn't worried about much! As the year passed and the next came and I almost escaped 2001 with no fear! On that day which was our generation's modern day Pearl Harbor, our Nation came under attack, and sent our whole nation into fear! I'm sure we all remember where we were that exact moment, when you first heard, (for me it was music class, with Mrs. K)!

Well then that year passed, and other's came and went, just like seasons, some you happen to like  (fall and spring) and others you can tolerate but really could live with out (summer and winter)! I now move to 2004, not for any other reason that my beloved Red Sox snapped an 86 drought, and made a crazy year seem so much better! As high school went on so did my struggles, regrets and disappointments. I was for lack of a better term "two faced" being a good little church boy on Sunday and then I was Matt Flagg, just an ordinary guy living life trying to find a way! Well I wouldn't find that way for a few more years! Things through high school only got worse, I graduate YAY! I left my church family in search of a  new one! And this new one, has been one of the best things that God has done!

I started attending a Nazarene church, I attended my first retreat, my first camp, surrounded by peers who guess what? Struggled like me! Were searching for something outside themselves, a God like they had never known before! Well that's when I started searching too, I had always believed in Him, but I needed to believe in some thing more! What did God actually mean? (I'm still searching for that answer, but I have honestly grown closer to Him)!

Now it was 2007! Freshman year at ENC! A Christian school, filled with Christian people (especially Christian girls)! Well as I soon found out Christian girls do not want Christian garbage! And I was an overflowing amount of trash! I manipulated innocence, destroyed trust and so much more! The question arose...Who Am I? and What Am I Doing?

Sparing details, I had a summer from Hell following that miserable Freshman year, I didn't deserve this! Neither did those girls! Neither did God! I vowed to change my ways! Did I stick to my vow? NOPE! Well I can't say that I didn't, yet my vow came in moderations, only a few girls, I hurt. Much better than Freshman year though, right? NOPE! And God once again showed me this through tough Love!

That summer was great, I spent it with 4 great people, doing summer ministry, which is a fancy name for goofing off for God! Well its what I needed, God touched my life, He used children evangelist to speak to me! Well then I had to come back to reality, Junior year! I decided to hang out with more beneficial people, people who would help me grow, not hinder it! That started to work out well! I had everything, friends, Love, GOD!

Well then this past summer happened! This summer was an under statement of being challenging! I decided to do summer ministry again, and with even better 4 great people! Well the gelling we all hoped for, like women Sophomore  year came in moderation! I was challenged, I was lost, I was tired! Came back to school looking forward to two things, friends, and Love!

Well my friends were there, the Love had gone. I was devastated, I honestly didn't know how to respond, so I used the classic Matt Flagg line "I'm Over It". Well that approach is great and all, except it doesn't help! It only masks the hurt, disguises the pain, that had deep inside of me!

So this semester has been my search for Love! and like you read yesterday, I need to fall in Love with God before, and learn to Love Him, before I get the Love that I have tried to find in women! He wants me, I just got to want Him!

Now as 2010 is coming to an end! and 2011 is knocking on the door step! Well lets see what I have to look forward too, Graduating in May, Leaving all my friends, Losing my place in a Community, plus so much more!

So as I conclude to whoever may read this... Have a Blessed and Safe New Year Eve, and a Great start to 2011... May God show you Love, Mercy, and Grace like He has shown me! He has shown me forgiveness, like none other! Be Blessed this day, and for today and all of 2011 its "Just Me and My God"!

1 John 1:9... "If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness."


May this be your prayer, when you feel like me: Sinful, Ashamed, Not Worthy... Just know that My God, Our God, LOVES us so much that He, gave His one and only Son, for me and you, to save our lives, Literally!

The First of Many: Love by the wrong means

I was directed to start a blog, by a close friend, who has challenged me in other aspects of my life as well!

I did not know what to say, or for that matter what to right about... I came to note that this blog could be my way of writing out my devotionals, my own prayer notebook (online). I do my best thinking while I write!

These past few days have been anything but relaxing, I have been stressed out for no specific reason, I have been taxed mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I got so low yesterday that I cried and yelled at my Lord, and not only yelled but cussed Him out! I was so tired of feeling alone, and being lonely with no one to spend time with, that I took it out on the one person, who I knew was there, my God! I tried calling friends to talk, it just happened to be a busy time for everyone! Well I kept taking it out on God, still swearing at Him, begging Him to give me a good reason, why Love is so hard? Why Lord, are those in my life that Love me, so far away and so impossible to get a hold of? and Why, Lord? Why is the fact that I can care for people so much, a bad thing?

When I finally got a hold of someone, all these questions arose again. I asked him, Should I give up on love? Should I quit caring for people? Why am I the one always getting hurt? Yet the most important thing I said/asked him, was, Why do I even bother with Love? If God wants me to do this right, He sure is making the "right approach" and very bad memory!!!

Well he couldn't answer any of my questions. Not being his fault, he wasn't God! Only God knew what I needed, and what I needed I got this morning!

I woke up, and got ready to jump in the shower, typical fashion of half asleep, grabbing my iPod and my mother's iHome. Now typically I like to start off with a song I actually enjoy, well I just didn't care which song came on. Well what happen next, call it random shuffle, call it a God thing, whatever you call it... the song that played was "Love Song for A Savior." In case you're not familiar with the song here is the verse that caught my attention:

"Sitting silent wearing Sunday best

The sermon echoes through the walls

A great salvation through it calls to the people

who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens

As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips

Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him

Someday He'll call us and we will come running

and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You"

Well let's just say, I was given a peace, and a new understanding, please believe that I don't believe that this was random. I believe God, made this song come on, and intended me to specifically listen in on this verse! He intended for me to hear it, why you ask? Simple! God isn't ignoring my request for Love! He wants me to Fall In LOVE with Him, first! I asked for Him, to come down and speak to me yesterday and not nicely! Well he waited, till this morning, where I was vulnerable, wet and not wanting to touch and electronic device while I was in the shower! 

So in conclusion, My God, uses things that we take for granted to show us How He Loves! Whether its a song, or a scripture verse, or call from a friend, or facebook"ing" with a friend who lives 1000 miles away! Whatever method He chooses, He does it when your most vulnerable, when you can't fight back, sometimes you got to fall on the ground and cry your eyes out, or feel some sort of pain to realize that, Hey, my God is alright and He got my back... 

Until next time... It's Me and My God!!!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9