First off I like the Staples Easy Button, and I wish LIFE came with one, cause this would be so much easier, so for whoever reads this, there is a female in my life (not dating) but I'm truly having a hard time with trusting that God will provide, and she is totally seeking out for God's will for this, which is super attractive... and I digress, but this is my prayer, for the situation and like last time I ask that you would pray for me as well, not that God blesses me with this beautiful woman, but that I trust Him, and stop doubting Him, and the situation. And further down I asked that whoever reads this if they feel at led they'll give me a call, and say I'm thinking about you, and give me someone to chat with, to help take my mind off of this. Thanks all for stopping bye...
Lord, I feel like these prayers are going to start sounding more and more selfish, Lord, and you know that my intentions are not too be. Lord give me PEACE, give me REST and RELAXATION, slow down my THOUGHTS of NEGATIVITY, and DOUBT. Lord just help me to TRUST YOU! Lord, you know the situation, on both sides, Lord, you have a plan for me, a wonderful and perfect plan for me, Lord help me to trust you with my life... No more trying to hold on, Lord, I'm surrendering everything, it all my life, my relationships with friends with a woman, surrendering my future, IT ALL!!! I ask that you take what's been on my mind and wrap it up in your love and grace, (along with me) but Lord, I'm tired of losing sleep, and thoughts of doubt, if you told me you got this... then why am I doubting what you can do!
Lord be with me these next few days, help the feelings of loneliness stay out of my life, Lord and I ask that you put me in the minds of my friends and they call me to just check in and see how I'm doing... Cause I'm struggling, and hurting, pretty tired, mentally and physically exhausted. Not going to bed till after 2, 3 or 4 for this past week has not been good to my body, and waking up days like today to go running at 8:30 doesn't allow for much sleep. Ah Lord! She is always on my mind, Lord help me to forget (forget me not's) and by forget, I don't mean about her, I just mean help me forget the doubting, forget the mistrust, forget ALL the negativity. Lord you got this, you got this, you got this, you got this, you got this, you got this, you got this... So help me to stop freaking out, and doubting what your going to do and say!!!
Lord , help me to continue on the path that you have placed me on, this wild adventure, this battle, Lord help me to push forward, Constantly Chasing After You! Lord, and if you want her to be apart of my journey with you, and my adventure as a man, well She is more than welcome, but it has to be your desire, and your will, not our own (her's or mine)! Lord, you know all of my heart's desires... I ask that you reveal them to me, in your time, and whomever you desire in my life! Its yours, I'M SURRENDERING THIS TO YOU! Let your will be down, just let no hurt or bitterness come out of your will, by me, help me to understand your will, and trust that you will provide... All smiles right now Lord, keep this peace, until a decision has been handed down, from you to her and me, Lord then we will know whether its what you want, or not! Oh Lord, please let this be what you want for me! (Selfish? I know, my bad)! You Got This, and I believe that....
Until Next Time, Its Just Me and My God! and God You Got Me and This!
Love your humbled, not worthy, child, and servant, Matthew.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Its Sure Been Awhile!
It has been a long time since I last blogged here (or anywhere for that matter), I have intended to try and find time to sit down and write, I even intended to do one on my birthday but just never got around to it. Well blogging has been my way of talking with my Heavenly Father, and if I haven't been getting around to it here, I sure haven't been talking with God! I will admit though, things have been going great in my life, I successfully turned 22, I'm passing all classes, I am even ahead of schedule with most homework and big papers. Yet similar to my last blogs there is still something missing in my life, I still haven't filled the void of feeling lonely in my life! I honestly hate the feeling, I try and cope with it but no luck, and when I'm lonely that's when Satan attacks. But the feeling of loneliness has started to shift, I have been blessed with some great friends, and they know my hurts, and sat down with me late one night and let me spill my guts to them. Someone has come into my life, quite unexpectedly (and too be honest, I never thought she would) and we have spent some time together not much, but enough to say that loneliness has subsided. Praise God! My blog today is not to speak of her, (even though I feel like I could talk about her for awhile), no its to talk about how amazing God is, and the power he has to conquer sin!
For all of you who read this, I fasted for a few weeks, (I got away from it, but I plan on returning) but during this fasting stage, I asked God (a similar request of Hart's) to make me the man of God you want me to be, to fill me with your Spirit that I may be desirable to a Godly woman, the woman who you want for me! Now this is where things started to get to me, I wanted so badly to never, ever, ever date another girl from ENC, ever again! Why? Because I did not want to have to worry about physical intimacy, the issue that has gotten me in trouble in the past. Well, a girl came into my life, by surprise (not the same one mentioned above) from the past, we hung a few times, and honestly had some fun times, but as I came to realize that we could never work out! There were a variety of different reasons, but I could honestly sense God saying you didn't want a girl from ENC here you go! But this situation was God telling me yeah there may be quality girls in the world, but you need a Christian girl and do not settle for less. Then another came along, (this one really had no intentions of pursuing any further than friends, still though not the girl mentioned above). This girl was from out of state, and definitely loves God, but still there was something missing. And I have asked her if we can talk no more than friends would, and she accepted.
Now the final girl, God does work in mysterious ways, this individual and myself had lost most communication throughout the past two semesters, (until recently, obviously!) and even though we hung out during new student orientation there seemed to be something that kept us from being friends. Maybe it was God's way of telling me, "Matthew, just take it slow, you've just broken up with someone, and you need to trust in me to fill that void of hurt and loneliness. Well for that last comment, I'm sure God said it, but did I listen, nope! I tried to fill the void, and it came back to bite me in the backside a few times. But back to the story... I was walking through the Mann Center, to check mail, consequently on a Tuesday (the day before I fast, but the day I have lunch with Hart), when a voice, which I hadn't heard since late August, said "Hey Matt Flagg, you should buy a ticket to the play!" Well for those of you who know me, I typically don't go to plays, and I wasn't intending on going, but as I thought of a quick response of "When will you be here next? I don't have five dollars yet!" She came up with a question that totally caught me off guard, "Hey, how come we're not best friends?" I quickly muttered the response of "HUH!" She then reminded me, that back in August, I made a comment to her, of how we were going to be best friends, by Spring Semester! Well that was a complete fairytale, how could you be friends never mind best friends with someone you don't even talk too? The guilt trip set in and that next Thursday I purchased a ticket to go see her in the play!
not my own, but YOURS!
"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD" Is the response I was hoping for! This is now in God's hands, Lord if this your desire for me, to trust in you, Lord help me by talking to me with a yes or no when I humble myself in prayer tonight and for the nights to come, until her and I have time after Spring Break to talk about it, since we have no means of talking over break, Lord help me to have a clear mind, and focus my heart and mind on you this week, do not let this situation give me an ounce of trouble or doubt. You are God, and I am Not! You Got this Lord! So I will appreciate any of you who read this to throw up some prayers when you pray, and keep me in them, not that her and I become a couple, but that I may Trust God in this situation, and that I will continue to grow into a spiritually mature man, that one day the woman who God wants me to be with will come my way, and will see God in my life, and see that as my most attractive feature. God you are so Great, and I long to follow after you, and desire to grow closer. Lord I ask that you be ever present in my life this next week, that I may not succumb to the loneliness, and that you will be there when I cry out for help!
Until next time, Lord its just me and you!!!
I love you Lord!
For all of you who read this, I fasted for a few weeks, (I got away from it, but I plan on returning) but during this fasting stage, I asked God (a similar request of Hart's) to make me the man of God you want me to be, to fill me with your Spirit that I may be desirable to a Godly woman, the woman who you want for me! Now this is where things started to get to me, I wanted so badly to never, ever, ever date another girl from ENC, ever again! Why? Because I did not want to have to worry about physical intimacy, the issue that has gotten me in trouble in the past. Well, a girl came into my life, by surprise (not the same one mentioned above) from the past, we hung a few times, and honestly had some fun times, but as I came to realize that we could never work out! There were a variety of different reasons, but I could honestly sense God saying you didn't want a girl from ENC here you go! But this situation was God telling me yeah there may be quality girls in the world, but you need a Christian girl and do not settle for less. Then another came along, (this one really had no intentions of pursuing any further than friends, still though not the girl mentioned above). This girl was from out of state, and definitely loves God, but still there was something missing. And I have asked her if we can talk no more than friends would, and she accepted.
Now the final girl, God does work in mysterious ways, this individual and myself had lost most communication throughout the past two semesters, (until recently, obviously!) and even though we hung out during new student orientation there seemed to be something that kept us from being friends. Maybe it was God's way of telling me, "Matthew, just take it slow, you've just broken up with someone, and you need to trust in me to fill that void of hurt and loneliness. Well for that last comment, I'm sure God said it, but did I listen, nope! I tried to fill the void, and it came back to bite me in the backside a few times. But back to the story... I was walking through the Mann Center, to check mail, consequently on a Tuesday (the day before I fast, but the day I have lunch with Hart), when a voice, which I hadn't heard since late August, said "Hey Matt Flagg, you should buy a ticket to the play!" Well for those of you who know me, I typically don't go to plays, and I wasn't intending on going, but as I thought of a quick response of "When will you be here next? I don't have five dollars yet!" She came up with a question that totally caught me off guard, "Hey, how come we're not best friends?" I quickly muttered the response of "HUH!" She then reminded me, that back in August, I made a comment to her, of how we were going to be best friends, by Spring Semester! Well that was a complete fairytale, how could you be friends never mind best friends with someone you don't even talk too? The guilt trip set in and that next Thursday I purchased a ticket to go see her in the play!
not my own, but YOURS!
"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD" Is the response I was hoping for! This is now in God's hands, Lord if this your desire for me, to trust in you, Lord help me by talking to me with a yes or no when I humble myself in prayer tonight and for the nights to come, until her and I have time after Spring Break to talk about it, since we have no means of talking over break, Lord help me to have a clear mind, and focus my heart and mind on you this week, do not let this situation give me an ounce of trouble or doubt. You are God, and I am Not! You Got this Lord! So I will appreciate any of you who read this to throw up some prayers when you pray, and keep me in them, not that her and I become a couple, but that I may Trust God in this situation, and that I will continue to grow into a spiritually mature man, that one day the woman who God wants me to be with will come my way, and will see God in my life, and see that as my most attractive feature. God you are so Great, and I long to follow after you, and desire to grow closer. Lord I ask that you be ever present in my life this next week, that I may not succumb to the loneliness, and that you will be there when I cry out for help!
Until next time, Lord its just me and you!!!
I love you Lord!
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